How do you make yourself happy? Too often, we make lists of the things we want, like a bigger house, a better car, a trip around the world, money for retirement, or a new friend or lover.

Even though wanting more is part of what makes us great, it’s never a good idea to base your happiness on it. Too often, it’s hard to get what we want.

But one thing you can do is let go of things you don’t need or want. We often hold on to bad thoughts, feelings, and people, whether it’s out of habit or because of pressure from friends or family.

We set ourselves up to fail by having expectations that are too high, and we bring ourselves down by getting hooked on toxic people and activities. Then we wonder why being happy is so hard.

It’s not easy to let go, but you can do it. And as soon as you get rid of even one bad thing in your life, you’ll be on your way to being happier. Here are 30 things you should stop doing now and for good.

1. A grudge

Forgiveness of one’s adversaries is a common piece of advice given by psychologists all across the world. However, that guidance isn’t always clear, and it’s easy to lose sight of its merits if you don’t pay close enough attention. Indeed, there are some who do not merit our mercy.

But ultimately, it’s not them that matters, it’s you. Putting an end to your pent-up anger is necessary if you ever hope to move on with your life. To heal, you need not accept the other person’s behavior or let them back into your life.

You shouldn’t let the sorrows of the past prevent you from having a happy future. Some individuals will never offer you closure, so you must give it to yourself.

2. The fallacy that material success and greatness are interchangeable

Most of us have been taught that material success and recognition are the pinnacles of achievement. One must keep in mind, however, that monetary success and true brilliance are not equivalent.

Never let the opinions of others deter you from pursuing your passions and working tirelessly to become the best at what you do. As long as you give it your all and don’t compromise on your principles, you can master any art form. There will be times when you have to say no to money or publicity.

Achieving worldly prosperity by selling out is a temporary triumph at best and a permanent source of regret later on in life. On the other hand, genuine greatness is a sort of achievement that can never be taken away, as it is founded on honesty and self-development.

Achieving success in the outside world might boost one’s self-esteem, but the adulation of the masses is fleeting. Happiness brought generated by spiritual success, on the other hand, lasts forever.

3. Your pride

An appropriate amount of pride might be beneficial. However, if you let it build up to a destructive level, it can destroy your life both professionally and personally. You can’t improve as a person or learn from past mistakes if pride keeps you from admitting when you’ve made a mistake.

This can hinder your ability to learn and grow professionally, as well as prevent you from seeing the other side of an argument with a friend, partner, or coworker. Pride is a relationship killer. If you want to preserve your happiness, you should drop it immediately.

4. The Fear of Failure

Fear of making mistakes or uncertainty about the future are both damaging drives. Unpredictability is a part of life, that is both normal and okay. There are very few REAL guarantees in life.

If you knew everything there was to know, I imagine your existence would be rather dull and meaningless. Whether you welcome or fear it, you must accept uncertainty as part of life.

The need for certainty can cause psychological problems like anxiety, despair, and a host of undesirable choices.

5. The need to feel in control all the time

One’s need for control is inextricably linked to their desire for certainty. Isn’t that what the search for certainty boils down to? As long as you are not absolutely sure of the worst possible outcome, you will feel more in charge of a situation when you are certain.

When we seek answers, that is typically the most important question we want to be answered. We want to know that we have complete agency over our lives.

A culture that celebrates the notion of the “self-made person” isn’t doing anything to help meet this demand. The reality is that it does not exist. We are all dependent on the actions of others and the luck of the draw at some points in our lives.

Without some good fortune, success is impossible. Everything that occurs to you is not within your complete command. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you may begin to adjust your outlook to be more in line with your newfound understanding of reality.

6. The belief that you’ll be ultra-wealthy one day

Who doesn’t want to grow up to be a billionaire? It’s likely that at some point in your life, you dreamed of becoming filthy rich. This could have been because you won the lottery, wrote the next best seller, or became the CEO of a major corporation.

However, as you get older, doubts begin to arise and gnaw at you. Perhaps one day you will wake up and understand how improbable it is to become wealthy overnight, especially in today’s economic climate.

The unfortunate truth is that the vast majority of us will never become wealthy. That is the case regardless of effort or brilliance. Not everyone will appreciate your contributions, even if they are excellent. The secret, fervent wish that one day you’ll be a billionaire can blind you to the blessings of the present.

We are currently on the cusp of the worst retirement disaster possible. Most working people nowadays cannot save enough money to retire. Those who are compelled to rely on charity will do so because they have no other choice.

Think of yourself as extremely fortunate if you have enough money to live a human life for the rest of your days, even if only on a very tight budget. If you want to be happy, wealth is not a prerequisite.

7. Overinflating Imperfections

Having a constant feeling of insecurity is a surefire way to feel miserable. Insecurities can stem from either internal or external sources of evaluation. To live one’s life under the weight of such a verdict is irrational at best and destructive at worst.

No one has the right to judge you if you are being the finest version of yourself and living the life that is real and right for you. Yes, even your own misgivings count.

You should keep in mind that you picked them up from somewhere and that they are unjust to you and to others. Those who truly care about you accept you for who you truly are. By constantly questioning the sincerity of their love and admiration, you do no one any good.

8. Clinginess

The root of most cases of jealousy is a lack of self-confidence. When you stop worrying so much about what you might lose, jealously frequently fades away along with your insecurities.

The jealousy and possessiveness are two sides of the same coin. It can be the root cause or the effect. It’s a feeling that’ll hurt you and the people you care about the most.

When you start to feel possessive, it’s important to remind yourself that a relationship is something you share with another person, not something you own. After you’ve let go of that negative feeling, you’ll be considerably happy.

When you finally let go of your possessiveness, jealousy, and insecurity, you may find that you never had anything to worry about to begin with.

9. Personal judgment and comparison

Do you tend to spend plenty of time observing and judging the actions of those around you? There is nothing wrong with analyzing other people’s actions critically if doing so helps you improve your own decision-making.

Unfortunately, after you go over that point, it usually does little but aggravates or perplexes you. If thinking about the decisions other people have made isn’t improving your own life, it’s time to let it go.

In addition, think about how often you’ve fooled yourself into thinking you knew what you were looking at just to find out afterward that you were completely wrong. Putting aside any preconceived notions you may have about a topic is a great way to make room in your head for new information.

As a result, you can gain an appreciation for other people’s ways of living and ways of thinking. They could potentially enrich your own life as well.

10. Living in the Past

It’s all too simple to spend every night in bed brooding about the dreadful things that have occurred to you. It’s not always easy to say, “Just get over it and go on,” particularly if there were actual horrors in your past.

The timing of the return of traumatic memories is not always within your control. On the other hand, you can choose to actively withdraw support for the cycle. It’s important to give yourself time to reflect on your experiences and work through your emotions, but you shouldn’t wallow in self-pity.

It’s important to keep in mind that you can’t change the page of a book until you’ve finished reading the current page. To go forward, one must let go of the past. You can’t change what happened or go back in time, but you can make sure it doesn’t happen again.

11. Regretting Mistakes

Regret is a complex emotion. Many people may boast, “I don’t have any regrets in life,” while others will ruminate constantly on their mistakes. You need to find a happy medium between these two extremes.

It is not a bad thing to realize that you made some poor choices in the past and to resolve to never make those choices again. That kind of regret helps us move on while becoming better individuals. However, the kind that holds you back indefinitely is counterproductive.

Instead of wallowing in regret and self-loathing, let future actions serve as punishment for past errors. You change as you progress through life. One should not attribute failures on yourself. You’re the one who’s done with ever making them again. You ought to hold the highest regard for yourself.

12. Obsessive pursuit of Perfection

The peak of perfection is an impossible mountain to climb. Regardless of how high you climb, you will never get there. This is true in every facet of your life and in your entire existence. You will always be dissatisfied if you refuse to accept compromise. Realizing that life is never going to be perfect is the key to contentment.

Everything has flaws, at all times. However, that doesn’t mean a flawed existence is worthless. Realize the worth of your life despite the negatives. Accept that you will never get all you want out of life, but push yourself to get as close as you can.

13. Bad Influences and Toxic People

One of the easiest ways to simplify your life and reduce stress is to cut ties with negative people who are weighing you down. We can form attachments to anyone, friend or foe; dislike serves as strong a bond as love.

However, your identity is just as much shaped by your deepest dislikes as it is by your greatest passions. The more effort you put into anything, the more significant it becomes to you; this holds true for both friends and foes.

Isn’t it better to focus on the people who actually matter, the ones you care about and who bring you joy? See how much happier you become as you cut ties with negative people.

14. Forget about your exes

Unfortunately, even if you get rid of toxic people, toxic thoughts might linger for a while longer. These ideas can take the form of your pent-up rage and bitterness or the good feelings you once associated with the person(s) from whom you’ve been ripped apart. You may find yourself continuously regretting past events or questioning your own decisions.

It’s reasonable to question your judgment under certain circumstances. If you come to the conclusion that your actions contributed to the end of a relationship, it is only fair to apologize, regardless of whether you intend to try to repair things.

If you’re sure you didn’t contribute to the problems in the relationship, there’s no point in dwelling on the past. You’ll be miserable all the time, and it’ll take time and effort away from your loved ones.

15. Work you despise

The option to switch careers isn’t always available. When the employment market is particularly weak, you can be stuck with the position you already hold. You shouldn’t stay in a job you despise or for a firm you have no respect for if you have transferable talents and other opportunities are available.

Even though you are being compensated for these hours, time is something you have a finite amount of and can never get back, making it a truly irreplaceable resource. You should quit your job if you hate it so much and have the opportunity to do so. It’s safe to say that your new job will bring you a great deal of joy.

16. Dismal living conditions

Do you reside in a horrible house or neighborhood? Can you describe your horrible roommates? Have you grown to despise what you can see from your window? If you can uproot your life and start again, do it asap.

Wherever you end up, even if it’s uncertain, you’ll probably be able to put your current problems behind you and enjoy a bit of relief. Just say no. You should keep trying to find a solution to your problem.

Poor housing conditions are among the leading causes of unhappiness. You should be able to go about your life without being subjected to constant anguish and worry.

Toxic workplaces and homes are just as deadly as abusive partners. Your daily outlook and disposition are profoundly influenced by your immediate environment. Find a place where your personality is honored and you can coexist peacefully and joyfully, and you will feel better about yourself.

17. Unhealthy Addictions

One out of every ten people has some sort of substance abuse problem. However, drug addiction is far from the only kind out there. Addiction can manifest itself in a variety of forms, including unhealthy relationships, drama, excessive labor, and so on. Addictions are a certain way to ensure that you’ll never be truly content. Why?

Addiction is an unquenchable thirst, unquenchable hunger for something that can never be had. It’s wanting more of something when there’s never any more to go around. Addiction traps you in a cycle of never-ending dissatisfaction because the hole is bottomless and the hunger is infinite.

It also drains you of your time, effort, and relationships. Getting sober is one of the most challenging feats a person can attempt. This is a major step in the direction of fulfillment in life.

18. The opinions and biases of others

It’s mind-boggling to consider how much we shape our lives based on the advice of others. When you add in the fact that those people are also living identical lives to you, you get a very surreal picture of mirrors facing mirrors. Do you think any of it is sincere?

Only if you settle on your own self-interest and act accordingly. It’s possible that not everyone will appreciate or get it, but that’s fine. You’re more than just paper money. Understand that not everyone needs to like you. Happiness can be attained even though people generally dislike you. To find fulfillment in life, you need just be authentic.

19. Believing that your best days are behind you

Do you remember hearing, “These are the best days of your life, so make the most of them,” from your relatives when you were in high school or college? Wow, that’s a downer of an idea. Even if they thought their best days were behind them, that doesn’t mean you have to accept the same fate.

Each of us has a unique memory of a moment in our lives that stands out above all others. This moment may have lasted a year or a single day. Even if you can’t achieve it, that doesn’t mean the future is without hope. Act as if the best times of your life are still ahead of you, and you will make room for them to come to you.

20. Holding out until the perfect time

Is it as if you need the moon to be at a specific phase before you take any significant action? Perhaps you’ve been putting off making a life-changing decision, like establishing a business or proposing to your significant other. For whatever it is, you just cannot delay any longer. It’s okay if the stars don’t align perfectly; we’ll get by.

Let go of the need to wait till the conditions are ideal before attempting whatever it is you’ve been putting off. It’s best to get your feet wet once you’ve done as much preparation as you can. This could be the turning point in your life.

21. Worry about falling short (or succeeding)

To many, the fear of failing and the fear of succeeding are two sides of the same coin. Both stem from an aversion to the unknown and change. When you’re waiting for the “appropriate time,” one of these two fears is probably keeping you from taking action right now.

You either fear failure or the huge upheaval to your life that success would bring, regardless of how positive that change might be.

The old adage goes something like, “What you don’t know won’t damage you.” Surely you don’t mean that to be literal, do you? The pain of stagnation is real. You’re wasting your potential and becoming less sure of yourself daily. You risk not just failing, but also missing out on a potential benefit. Until you put yourself out there and give it a go, you won’t know how much you’re capable of.

22. What you know and love; what you call your “safe zone”

Although establishing a sense of stability and security in your daily life through routine and familiar activities is crucial, there are times when you need to be able to let go of such things.

Staying safely within your established routine prevents you from expanding either personally or intellectually. Although trying anything new may make you feel uneasy, think of it as an opportunity to challenge yourself and grow.

As you push yourself to new limits, you’ll eventually find a level of ease in novel settings, situations, and partnerships. You’ll be set free to do and be all that you’re capable of. Instead of confining you, your safe space should be there to greet you when you return from a long day, every day. There is an exciting world waiting just beyond your comfort zone.

23. Making irrational choices

Are you an emotional thinker? Do you let your temper get the best of you when you are angry? Do you plunge into new relationships without thinking because of one exciting night?

While you may not think twice about these decisions when you make them, they can create long-term damage in your life. That temper tantrum you threw in a moment of irrationality might have cost you an important relationship.

That relationship you dove into headfirst without thinking could have turned out to be toxic and addictive, costing you months or years of your life.

Let go of the urge to be impulsive. It is okay to slow down and think critically about your decisions. It does not mean you are not a passionate person. It just means that you care enough about the shape of your life to be passionate about the people and the issues that really matter.

24. The belief that other people have it better

Do you constantly wonder if the grass is greener across the fence? In our social-media-driven world, it is easy to get the wrong idea about other people’s lives. Studies have shown that people lie more often online on sites like Facebook and Twitter.

Sometimes this is for privacy reasons, but it’s also because people want to give the impression they are doing well. As a result, a lot of us live under the delusion that everyone else is doing spectacularly, while we’re floundering in a sea of failure. Worse, this makes you feel like it must be your fault. Because it’s just you, right?

But it isn’t just you. Other people do not have it as good as they want you to think. Let go of the belief that the grass is really greener “over there.” Nobody has a perfect life. If someone says that they do, they’re lying.

It isn’t just you, and it isn’t your fault. And you may think you want what someone else has, but odds are what they have isn’t what you think.

25. The belief that someone else can make you happy

“I could just be happy if I met the right person.” “I would finally be happy if I won my parents’ approval.” “I’d be happy if people respected me and admired what I do.” These are all common thoughts, and they reflect a false belief about happiness, and that’s that it is something that other people can give us.

No one else’s love or approval is a substitute for your own. It is unfair to put all that on another person, both to yourself and to them. Only you can give yourself permission to be happy. If you cannot love yourself, you cannot truly love anyone else or appreciate the love that is given to you.

Other people can bring meaning and happiness into our lives, but it’s a prerequisite that you learn to depend on yourself first.

26. Self-deception

Do you ever have trouble sleeping because of a lie? Maybe you’re not happy in your job or your relationship. Perhaps it’s the fact that you’re still hiding your sexual orientation from the world, or it’s the way you harmed a friend or former colleague, or it’s the lie you told to further your career.

Regardless of the magnitude of the deception, it’s time to put it behind you by sharing it with someone reliable. Once a secret is out in the open, it can no longer be considered one. After sharing your secret with someone else, whether it’s a favorable or negative development, you’ll find it much simpler to deal with.

You might be able to put it behind you if it is a regret. Maybe you’ll feel liberated to act on an inner truth or passion that you’ve been suppressing.

27. Self-loathing

The question is why so many of us have to deal with feelings of dislike for ourselves. Both feelings of uncertainty and self-loathing stem from the conviction that we are unworthy of love and happiness. A variety of influences teach us to despise ourselves.

Perhaps you were raised by violent parents or you often encounter cultural messages that tell you that you do not belong in this world. Perhaps a series of disappointing interactions or professional setbacks have led you to believe that you are at fault.

Negative thoughts about oneself have never benefited anyone. Do not despise the person you have become as a result of your past mistakes so much as you despise the mistakes themselves and resolve to never repeat them. They should be happy and loved, and that includes by you.

28. Other people’s different perspectives

Whether or not you are considered good by other people might be just as discouraging as whether they like you. It’s all too simple to fool yourself into thinking that there is a universal morality and that everyone else’s moral compass operates in the same manner as yours.

But since we’re all different, what one person considers to be correct may not be so for another. To be good and right in your own eyes, you must first give yourself permission to be such.

It’s fine to respect someone else’s beliefs as sacred, but you don’t have to. Honor the truth you’ve discovered within yourself. You should not deny yourself the joy you have discovered because of the opinions of others.

29. Your fear of facing the truth

The ability to recognize one’s own values is essential to contentment. However, discovering one’s true identity might be a terrifying prospect. Our inner landscapes are vastly unmapped, and the paths we’re asked to take aren’t always easy. As well as the fact that we are occasionally left to traverse them alone.

It’s natural to feel some level of apprehension, but if you allow it to dictate your actions, it will only bring you misery. The conventional wisdom would have you assume that taking the easy route will lead to fulfillment, but the truth is that this is far from the case.

Being sad will become less of a risk, and your misery will be more widely accepted. You have to face your fears and go after your true passions if you ever want to be truly happy.

30. Your fear of being happy

The fear of success or fulfillment may be the greatest barrier we throw up for ourselves. No one should be afraid of joy.

Perhaps you feel unworthy and think this is unfair. To be pleased when another person is sad can make you feel guilty. Maybe you have seen so much heartbreak that you have trouble accepting the possibility of joy.

Maybe you’re worried that the sky is continually falling, and that the second you take a deep breath and count your blessings, disaster will strike.

That’s related to the anxiety of not knowing what will happen next. Perhaps the proverbial “hammer” has yet to fall. You need to be prepared for that possibility. If you don’t give yourself permission to be happy, you might as well give up on life altogether.

To be joyful is not the same as taking joy in life for granted. By merely being happy, you are not begging for the hammer to drop.

Use your joy as a way to show your appreciation to the world around you for letting you experience such emotion. When you share your joy with someone you care about, you eliminate whatever guilt you might have had. Donate some of your good fortune to those who are suffering the loss of a loved one.

On one hand, letting go can be the easiest thing you’ve ever done, and on the other, it can be the most difficult. It could be even more difficult to start afresh. But you can do it, and when you look back, you’ll be glad you tried.